By Shane Dempsey, ARC Mediation Partner
Over the last few years, I’ve found myself reflecting on the Japanese aesthetic of wabi?sabi; the appreciation of imperfection, impermanence, and the beauty that emerges from life’s inevitable struggles.
It has reshaped how I understand conflict, and support clients in mediation. We often meet individuals at moments when their inner & outer worlds feel fractured. People arrive carrying hurt, fear, anger, shame, or exhaustion. Yet beneath all of that, I’ve come to believe something quietly hopeful.
Each person still has a kind, creative, curious, courageous, clear, compassionate, and connected inner self; even if it feels distant or obscured by the heat haze of conflict.
Kintsugi-repaired Bowl
This resonates deeply with the Internal Family Systems (IFS) idea of the Self. Not a perfected version of us, but a steady, grounded centre that remains intact despite turmoil. Conflict doesn’t erase it; it only makes it harder to access.
This is where wabi-sabi offers a powerful lens. Instead of seeing conflict as a failure, we can see it as part of the human condition, which is messy & painful, yet full of possibility. Instead of expecting people to be polished or “fixed,” we can honour the cracks, the uncertainty, and the courage it takes simply to show up when life feels overwhelming.
Which brings me to Kintsugi. Kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold, honouring the cracks as part of the object’s history rather than flaws to be hidden.
Mediation, at its best, becomes a kind of kintsugi: the careful, respectful repair of what has been damaged in relationships, communication, and outlook. Not a return to how things were, but the creation of something new, something strengthened by honesty, and the gold of hard-won insight.
In Family Mediation, our work is often supported by therapists walking alongside one or both parties, helping them reconnect with their inner resources so they can effectively self-determine outcomes. We create a space where people can rediscover their capacity for clarity and compassion, even in the midst of conflict.
Wabi-sabi acknowledges the goal isn’t perfection. It’s the quiet beauty of people finding their way back to themselves & their communities.